Piranha 3D Is A Gleeful Fish Tale!

We've seen plenty of "Jaws" rip-offs in our heyday, maybe even too many. Joe Dante's 1978 answer to "Jaws," a movie called "Piranha," was a truly delightful cult classic with cheesy acting, hilarious special effects, and copious amounts of nudity. After the success of "My Bloody Valentine 3D," we now get another remake..."Piranha 3D!" Well, maybe I shouldn't call it a remake since it is very different from the original film. But what matters is that this film was a blast!

The plot's really cliched, but wonderfully executed. It is Spring Break in the small town of Lake Victoria, and the horny, drunken teenagers are flocking for the party. When an earthquake occurs, releasing hundreds of thousands of piranha from the unknown depths of the lake, Sheriff Julie Forester and her crew must fight to stop the danger that the teenagers are in.

If you remember the film "Snakes On A Plane," you'll remember that it was great because it didn't try to be something it wasn't. "Piranha 3D" is in the vein of that film. It knows what it's supposed to be, and that's probably why it works so well. It is made like a good, old-fashioned B-movie from the 80's, and is unapologetically gory, hilarious, and it offers the most nudity in a horror film in years.

I said it before. "Piranha 3D" is extremely violent, and it's not sorry for it. When the piranha attack, it's full-on and once the carnage starts, it never stops! It had more blood than "The Evil Dead," and "My Bloody Valentine" combined, and that's a rarity. The one sequence that you'll be anxious to see the most is the Spring Break massacre scene. It goes on for a long time, and the violent nature of it makes you squirm and laugh at the same time. For the gore-hounds who love their horror movies with lots of red stuff, you've hit the jackpot when you go to see this movie.

As many critics have said, there is so much nudity in "Piranha 3D" that it will knock a kid into puberty. I'm surprised that it got away with so many boob shots, especially in 3D. Wait until you see the "underwater ballet" sequence.

The cast is filled with A-list actors who know how to have a good time and not take a horror movie so seriously. Elisabeth Shue is great as Julie Forester. You wonder how in the world an Oscar-nominee like her got into this movie. But Ms. Shue knows how to have fun, and she gives a good performance in this movie. You will also catch Ving Rhames as the deputy, Adam Scott("Step Brothers") as Novak, Christopher Lloyd(a riot!) as Dr. Goodman, Steven R. McQueen as Jake, "Gossip Girl" Jessica Szohr as Kelly, and Jerry O' Connell as Derek Jones, the exploitative porno director who will stop at nothing to get his footage. And here's a surprise, a slut that you care about. British model Kelly Brook plays Danni, one of Derek's Wild, Wild Girls. There's the rule that if you drop your top in a horror movie, you're dead. Sure, Brook's character is a slut, but she is able to make a nice and innocent conversation with Jake in one scene, and she gains your sympathy quickly. Oops. Did I mention that Richard Dreyfuss opens the movie? God, I love his cameo! He literally plays the exact same character he played in Jaws, wearing the same outfit, singing the same song, and, in every sense of the quote, "needing a bigger boat."

For the first time in a while, the 3D is excellent. Now, this is what I expect from 3D. If you're going to make a movie about a school of carnivorous fish, I want the piranha flying in my face, gore in my face, boobs in my face, etc. The movie never shys away from the 3D gimmick, and I love it for that.

"Piranha 3D" is directed by French director Alexandre Aja, known best for directing "High Tension" and the remake of "The Hills Have Eyes." This film is extremely different for a person like him, knowing how disturbing and serious his previous horror films have been. Aja truly impressed me with this movie, giving so much energy and life to it.

Now, "Piranha 3D" is not for everyone. Many will think of it as the stupidest horror film in years. Not true. The movie is smarter than that, and is knowing of what its audience wants to see. If you want a horror film that will be remembered as THE definitive B-movie of the decade, then you've found it here. "Piranha 3D" is the most entertaining horror film of the year so far.